


All There Is To It

by aewgliriel



Series: Letters [1]
Category: Star Wars Legends: Legacy Era - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 12:17:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5743552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aewgliriel/pseuds/aewgliriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyp writes a letter to Jaina.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All There Is To It

Jaina,  
  
I've written this letter over and over, more times than I can count. I've tried to make it perfect, but I'm not one for sappy prose. So I'm just going to try this one more time, say what comes out, and leave it at that. Not that I'll probably ever give this to you.  
  
It's a bit funny, really. That I'm writing this. And in my wildest dreams . . . I didn't think it would be to you.  
  
When I met you, you were all of two years old. You reached my knee. and you liked to stand on my foot, you on one and Jacen on the other, and I'd lurch around the apartment, and you'd giggle. At the time, I thought it was stupid, but now I look back on it with wonder. As the years have passed, I've often thought about that, and wondered if I'd get the chance to do that with my own children.  
  
I should say that I've never seen you as my child, or anything like that. A small, dear friend, yes. Sometimes a little sister. Certainly an annoyance at times. But I've never seen myself as a father figure to you. There have been times when I've tried, but it's never worked.  
  
I'm glad that you were so very small when I fell to the Dark Side. You've never seen with your own eyes the horror that I was for those weeks of darkness. And I hope that you never have to.  
  
Over the years, I've watched you grow, going away for months at a time, and I'd come back to find you a little different. Or a lot, depending on how long I'd been gone. I remember when you grew taller than your twin, and you'd lord it over him. I saw the potential in you, and I knew it was only a matter of time before your father would wrangle me into helping him scare boys away from you.  
  
When you were sixteen, and I saw you at the academy before we all ended up on that planet with all those mines--do you remember that?--I was amazed that you were becoming a woman. And when I saw you on Dubrillion, just a handful of months later, you surprised me further. You were all grown up, and I honestly wasn't sure what to think.  
  
But it wasn't until Luke sent you to find me that I found that the decision was taken from me. I was thinking things that I honestly didn't want to be thinking. You were the daughter of my best friend . . . but you were . . . you _are_ beautiful. I'd looked away for just a moment, and when I looked back, the little girl I'd once let braid my hair had turned into everything I'd always wanted.  
  
I tried to stay away. I tried not to think about you that way. But every time I resolved that I wouldn't, I'd see you, and it would be enough to shatter my resolve. Like that time on Hapes, when you wore that red dress. My self-restraint was so thin, I'm surprised you didn't see it. Actually, now that I think about it, you probably did. When I smarted off about the dress being too tight. Which it was. It's a good thing you started an argument, because I was very, very close to kissing you right then. And I wouldn't have cared if you'd called the guards down on me right then.  
  
And after everything we went through, I finally had to admit that I was in love with you. It took me several weeks to admit it. I even argued with myself over it. But I couldn't escape it. And I saw that you were falling for Jag, so I wanted to stay away, for your sake, so you could be happy, but you wouldn't let me.  
  
So I've never left. I don't think I could now if I wanted to. I'm bound to you, body and soul. But I'm not going to tell you. I know how you feel about Jag, and I want you to be happy. You deserve that.  
  
I'm constantly amazed by you, Jaina. I'm in awe of your quick mind, your sharp wit, your warmth and your strength. You're an amazing pilot, and one of the best friends I could ever hope for. You of all people have looked past my reputation and seen _me_ . . . even if you haven't looked quite as deeply as I sometimes wish you would.  
  
I'm jealous of Jag, that he has you. I know that you're probably going to end up marrying him one of these days. I'm trying to prepare for that. As long as he treats you like the goddess you are, I'll be okay. It won't kill me as long as I know you're happy.  
  
I don't even really know why I'm writing this. All I've done is talk about how I fell in love with you, but won't tell you. Maybe I just needed to get this all down, get it sorted, so I could look at it from outside, so that it isn't all in my head. That's not a happy place to be, sometimes, inside my head. Not quite as bad as it was. Not when I have you to talk to when I need someone to understand.  
  
I guess I just needed some perspective. I know I don't have a chance. I think I'm starting to come to terms with that. Not that I'll stop loving you. I think the moment I stop will be when I die. Or maybe not even then.  
  
Enough of this sappy stuff. I love you. That's all there is to it.  
  
Kyp


End file.
